by Adam Haston, president of Haston Equity Group and author of
As you seek to build your business or cultivate the career of your dreams, the value of mentor relationships cannot be underestimated. A mentor who has seen – or is in close proximity to – the destination you seek, can give “directions” for getting there based on your present location.
Choosing Mentors
However, choosing a mentor should be done with care and caution. People love to give advice — or, more often, their opinions — but there are several guidelines to follow when looking for those people who will have the most impact on your goals.
When you want to pursue a business, career or even a passion, you should start reaching out to the people who will help make that exploration meaningful. The best mentors will become clearer as your journey progresses.
Even for the most unusual or “weirdest” pursuits, the mentors are clear. Take, for example, writer, actor, and comedian Fred Armisen. In interviews, Armisen has discussed the mentoring hand that director John Waters had on his success. The story goes that, while still in high school, Armisen submitted a homework assignment he intended to be humorous. Instead, it landed him in the school psychiatrist’s office. Confused by the discouragement, he decided to contact his idol, John Waters, explaining how the incident shook his confidence in his artistic abilities. He did not expect to hear back from Waters. But surprisingly, Waters replied. In the return letter of encouragement, Waters told Armisen that he was on the right path and should continue embracing the unique weirdness of his comedy. Years later, that path took Armisen to Saturday Night Live. After that, he co created unique and internationally famous shows like Documentary Now! and Portlandia.
Like Armisen did with Waters, you need to reach out to mentors not because they give you a golden ticket, but because it creates connection and direction. Mentors hardly ever lead you to the gold at the end of the rainbow. But they will point you toward a direction in which you will have a greater degree of confidence moving forward. From there, you will be more empowered to emotionally or intellectually dust yourself off as you stumble along the way.
Influencing Mentor
For Armisen, Waters acted as an influencing mentor, or somebody who affected the development or character of a person. Influencing mentors may not give you explicit advice on technical or legal things, but they have an important emotional and generative effect on you. They do this by lending credence to your belief in yourself by having the ability to connect with them. They’re humanized, which bridges the possibility of rising to their level. They thus gain more credibility in your mind and heart, and the guidance that they provide implicitly is a statement that the pursuit is possible.
Advisors
In addition to influencing mentors, there are at least two other types: advisors and connectors. Advisor mentors will help you learn new information about specific matters. If you are an aspiring artist, an advisor mentor might show you which brushes are most effective for certain painting techniques. If you are learning how to be an investor in real estate, an advisor mentor might teach you how to do due diligence.
Connectors
After influencers and advisors come the connector mentors. These go-betweens are folks who help you connect with the right advisor mentors. You’d be surprised at how wide of a net you can cast when you reach out to your connections. For example, there was a time when I was working on an out-of-state deal to buy property. Because each state has their own nuanced laws, I contacted a connector mentor who lives in the state in question. Because I trust him and have kept up a regular relationship with him, I asked him to recommend a real estate lawyer who could answer some of my questions.
To my surprise, he happened to be good friends with one of the most prestigious lawyers in the state and was happy to give me a wonderful and flattering introduction.
When you foster these positive relationships with mentors, there are few things as exciting as the real-time growth they provide. Mentors who have achieved substantial success in their respective fields have a clear perspective on the steps required. Because their vision can see beyond yours at the moment, they can guide you through any fog obstructing your vision.
Indirect Mentors
It’s important to add that not all mentors need to be people you directly communicate with frequently, nor do they need to be currently living. No, that wasn’t a typo. Some of the most potent mentors can be those who have passed on, but you are significantly influenced by the impact they left on the world. Maybe you have never met them, like a bestselling author or researcher from decades ago who lives on through their books and teachings. Mentors could also be podcast hosts or coaches. Immerse yourself in a mentor’s ideas from afar if their work is available to you.
Communicate Regularly
When you are interacting with your mentor, frequent and open communication is the best way to foster a positive relationship. It could be an email, an email blast to multiple people, a text, a social media post, a social media direct message, a phone call, or writing a letter. At conferences or meetups, communication could even be through informal luncheons. Emphasize that you are asking for advice and direction so the people you reach out to know how to help you.
And always remember to ask permission to continue seeking advice and guidance from them, including how often you can follow up with them. You want the relationship to be mutual, meaningful, and collaborative. You are not using them; the two of you are working together toward common goals, because you are like-minded. When collaborating, you don’t necessarily need to ask, “Will you be my mentor?” Instead, explain that there are things you are pursuing that may be outside your realm of expertise and you’d appreciate their perspective. While discussing those issues, ask if it would be okay to come back to them with specific questions.
When obstacles arise, mentors provide the experience and insights that help you overcome the hurdle. Obstacles will come up – which reveals another critical component to your life’s curriculum. You don’t need to be a genius to accomplish great things. You simply need to put in the time, effort, and energy.
Adam Haston, author of , is an entrepreneur, educator, and community leader dedicated to helping others unlock their potential. The founder and CEO of Haston Equity Group, a financial and real estate firm, he combines business acumen with a passion for personal growth. You can learn more at www.adamhaston.com.