I didn’t want to do this, I promise. I was just going about my day, generally enjoying my life and quietly celebrating the Supreme Court deciding not to overturn New York Times v. Sullivan. I wrote a couple posts you’ll see tomorrow, and all in all, today was looking like a pretty good day. Then I made the mistake of checking social media. In the middle of everyone freaking out about how a reporter got added to a high-level government groupchat, someone else posted the video you see embedded below titled “We Thank You, Elon Musk.”
I shouldn’t have clicked. Clicking play was a mistake. In my defense, though, how could I have known what I was about to click on wasn’t a joke? There’s no way someone would just put a music video shot in a Cybertruck that’s about how great Elon Musk is on the internet, right? They’d have to be self-aware enough to realize they’d get dragged relentlessly if they posted a song like this that wasn’t a joke, right? Either that, or it is a joke, but she’s so committed to the joke, it’s impossible to tell she’s joking. Well, being self-aware isn’t exactly a Republican strong point, and since I had to see this awful Elon Musk song performed in a Cybertruck, now all of you do, too.
We thank you, Elon Musk
Now, the polite thing would be to bury this music video the same way they buried that E.T. video game and never speak of it again. Except it’s already broken containment. This thing is going to be on the internet forever. Also, it wouldn’t be fair for you to avoid being exposed to it after I was so unfairly exposed. I’m just concerned with what’s fair here.
Also, in the interest of fairness, I would like to clarify the singer has since stated she does not want to have an Elon baby, and I can only confirm the existence of 14 Musk children. Bothans are also a fictional species, and to my knowledge, no one who shared the video has died. The poster who uploaded the video to BlueSky made what is known as a joke, something I’ve heard was illegal until Trump got reelected. Also, while the original is on Twitter, I’m not linking to Twitter.
Technically, you don’t have to play the video. I can’t force you to click. But you did already click on this post and read some 350 words about it. Plus, how can you resist the allure of lyrics like, “One more kid, one more brand/Launching rockets with just one hand,”? I guarantee you’ll hate yourself for clicking, but come on. You know you can’t resist. Do you really want those Bothans to have died for nothing?