Becky Schmooke, founder of Stoic Edge Consulting and Becky’s Mindful Kitchen
By Becky Schmooke
When we talk about resilience, we often glorify the bounce back. The comeback story. The triumphant rise. But real resilience isn’t about bouncing—it’s about building. And sometimes, it starts by being willing to break.
For twenty years, I lived with an eating disorder that thrived in silence. I ran a successful business, Becky’s Mindful Kitchen, and from the outside, I looked like I had it all together. But inside, I was white-knuckling my way through each day, gripping tightly to an illusion of control. Bulimia was my shield in adversity—until it became the very thing keeping me from living.
In March of 2020, like so many others, life as I knew it was forced to change. My cooking school had to pivot overnight. My husband, a firefighter, was logging 100-hour weeks. One of our daughters was battling an undiagnosed lung issue. I have type 1 diabetes. The risks were real, and the weight of uncertainty became too heavy to carry with the same coping mechanisms. In that space, I saw a choice: keep surviving or finally learn how to live.
Recovery wasn’t new to me. I had tried countless times before, always relying on the same strategy—willpower and shame. But white-knuckling isn’t sustainable. You can only grip so tight for so long before you lose your hold. What I needed was a system—a way to move from intention to execution. That’s where STOA came from, born out of necessity. STOA stands for Success, Targets, Obstacles, and Opportunities, and Action Steps. It’s how I began to navigate recovery, and ultimately, how I built my life back, not just as it was, but stronger and more aligned with who I wanted to become.
I now refer to that concept as being “beyond resilient.” It’s an evolution of resilience—an invitation to shift from simply taking the hits life slings our way to becoming stronger because of them. To be resilient is to bounce back. But to be beyond resilient is to bounce forward. It’s not about returning to who you were before the fall—it’s about becoming someone stronger because of it.
This is where the Stoic concept of amor fati—the love of fate—comes in. It’s not enough to tolerate hardship or endure what you didn’t choose. Beyond resilience means embracing your fate, seeing even the unwanted moments as necessary, even good. Amor fati teaches us that adversity doesn’t block the path; it reveals it. To go beyond resilience is to stop hoping life gets easier and start getting better at living it, one decision at a time.
This mindset, rooted in Stoic philosophy and honed through lived experience, is now the backbone of my leadership work. I created Stoic Edge Consulting to bring this approach into rooms where resilience is talked about but rarely practiced at depth. I work with NFL rookies, first responders, corporate teams, and everyday leaders who want to build a life—not just a résumé—that holds up under pressure.
In my book, Choose the Handle That Holds, I write about how every situation in life offers two handles: one by which it can be carried, and one by which it cannot. Resilient leadership is learning to pause long enough to choose the handle that holds. It’s refusing to outsource your standards. It’s leading from the inside out. And most of all, it’s knowing that leadership isn’t about titles or control—it’s about how you show up, especially when no one’s watching.
STOA gave me a map to move forward through moments I thought would break me. It taught me to redefine success, not as perfection or public approval, but as living with intention. Setting meaningful targets. Planning for the hard parts. And most of all, taking ownership of the actions within my control.
It also taught me how to debrief when things go sideways. Because they always do. Recovery isn’t linear. Neither is leadership. The question isn’t whether you’ll screw up, but what you’ll do next. STOA helped me turn shame into strategy. I learned to break down failure without breaking myself.
And that’s what I want more women to know: You don’t have to hide your broken pieces. The Japanese art of kintsugi teaches us that when we repair our cracks with gold, those once-broken places become the strongest parts of us. That’s what true resilient leadership is—choosing to seal your story not with shame, but with strength.
If we want to raise unstoppable women, we need to stop teaching them that resilience means being unshakable. We need to show them what it looks like to shake and still stay standing. To fall, and then rise with determination and confidence.
Resilient leadership isn’t the absence of fear or failure. It’s very existence depends on the fall, and that is what makes it so powerful when one chooses to lead from it.
Because it’s available to all of us.
Becky Schmooke (pronounced “Smoke”), founder of Stoic Edge Consulting, is a speaker, leadership coach, and author who has worked with organizations, Fortune 500 Companies, and sports organizations, including the NFL, to transform leadership into a lifestyle. Becky’s new book, Choose the Handle That Holds, highlights Becky’s unique leadership approach, blending Stoic philosophy, modern science, and candid storytelling to equip individuals and teams with practical tools to help them lead with confidence and purpose. Over the past decade, Becky has earned a reputation for her relatable style, challenging conventional ideas of leadership, dismantling myths that make leadership seem exclusive, and proving that real leadership isn’t about a job title, but about how you lead yourself and others through life’s toughest moments. Connect with Becky on Facebook @beckysmindfulkitchen.