As women, we face societal expectations to be more accommodating, empathetic, and nurturing, which can cause us to avoid difficult conversations both in our personal lives and in business. When we assert ourselves in challenging situations, we can be called aggressive and emotional, even though men in the same situation will be praised for doing the same thing.
But as business owners, this double standard makes it vital to develop strategies for navigating difficult conversations skillfully so we’re taken seriously and not judged unfairly.
Let’s look at how you can handle tough discussions with an employee, supplier, client, or any other stakeholder in a way that maintains your authority, establishes mutual respect, and leads to productive outcomes.
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Book a Neutral, Accessible Meeting Space
Holding the discussion in a space that doesn’t signal hierarchy is an excellent starting point. It puts you and the other party on an even footing, which can reduce initial tension and defensiveness.
Making it easy for the other person to attend also creates a sense of neutrality. By using a flexible meeting room booking system that makes scheduling easy, you’ll show respect for their time. This can help to create a more balanced atmosphere that encourages honest dialogue.
Avoid Letting Your Emotions Control You
Emotions are communicable. If you go into a difficult conversation with your heart on your sleeve, it’s more than likely that the other party will be more vulnerable too. The same goes if you enter one with trepidation, embarrassment, or rage. Discussions can quickly go downhill in these cases, and that’s when productivity goes out the window.
To prevent your emotions from getting the best of you, pay close attention to your body language, choice of words, and tone of voice. Nonverbal communication has a massive effect on how your message is received: focus on staying composed and using a respectful and open tone.
Focus on the Message You Want to Send
Before you start your difficult conversation, think about what message you want to convey. What you are about to say is as important as why you’re saying it. Try writing everything down because it will clarify the key points you need to get across.
Think about how the main objective of your conversation aligns with both team and individual goals. What’s the purpose of this conversation, and what results are you looking for? How can you steer the discussion so that you move closer towards your goal?
Beware of Defensiveness
Approach any challenging discussion with a clear understanding that we are all inherently defensive and capable of misinterpreting events. This scenario may well happen in your talk, and you need to be prepared for it.
Combat it by remaining calm and patient and practicing active listening, where you pay very close attention to what the person is saying, both verbally and via their body language. You should also pick the right time for your communication since this will heavily influence how your message is received.
Choose a calm, relaxed environment to address your concerns and ensure you’re open to dialogue.
Find Some Common Ground
It’s hard to create a successful outcome for a difficult conversation if there’s no common ground between you and the other party. Remind participants that the discussion is about working toward a shared goal and paving the way for a result that will benefit everyone involved.
If you can agree to put aside differences to focus on a common goal, it will become easier to collaborate and get the desired result.
Listen To and Understand Other Viewpoints
Once you’ve demonstrated the facts, let the other party talk without interrupting them. Don’t get drawn into an argument by recognizing that their response may well be emotional. Let them get all of it out.
You’ll no doubt have dealt with an angry customer at some stage of your career, so you know that letting them vent is vital. After they’ve done this, reiterate the facts of the situation. Make sure the other party understands these.
Staying furious for long periods of time is tough, so allow them to burn through this reaction and then continue talking with them calmly.
Remember That They’re Only Human
Throughout the conversation, it’s important to remember that you’re communicating with an actual human being—someone with feelings, heart, histories, stories, trauma, and the same need as you to be heard, respected, and understood.
This is why it’s so important to practice active listening when talking to someone. You need to understand their point of view and remember that we all have the ability to work on and improve ourselves when new information comes to light.
We are also more likely to engage with people effectively when we see potential in them for change, so don’t reduce anyone to labels like “good” or “bad.” Extending the same grace and empathy you would want when you’re having a difficult conversation really goes a long way.
The Importance of “I” Statements
One of the best ways to circumvent defensiveness is to use “I” statements when you’re having a difficult conversation. Instead of saying that someone is wrong about something, you could tell them you feel differently about the situation. Approaching the talk this way encourages them to share their perspective instead of feeling attacked.
” You” statements contain an accusatory element that can trigger defensiveness, making a truly productive conversation impossible.
“I” statements allow you to express your perspective and feelings without necessarily blaming anyone. This creates a more receptive environment for the conversation and allows the listener to truly hear you and respond with confidence.
If someone tends to talk over you, you could say, “I get frustrated when I’m interrupted because I want to share my idea completely,” instead of, “You’re always interrupting me!” This would flip the script to focus on you rather than accusing them.
When you focus on your own feelings and point of view, you invite the other party to empathize. This will almost certainly lead to a more profound understanding of what you’re trying to say and a more collaborative approach to resolving the issue.
Finish Up on a Positive Note
Make sure that the conversation ends on a constructive note. Summarize whatever agreement has been reached and outline your next steps. Then, thank the other party for their time.
It’s also a good idea to check in a few days later and ask if there’s any post-discussion feedback. You can do this in person or via email. This will open the door for continued communication and show that you care about the conversation and the way forward.
Difficult conversations are inevitable in business, but with the right approach, they can present valuable opportunities for growth, resolution, and understanding.
When handled correctly, they can lead to improved work relationships, enhanced team dynamics, and a healthier overall work environment. Next time you’re facing a tough talk, use these tips to resolve the conflict and move forward without causing a rift.
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