Detail of Pilot’s Notion Five, Red, Yellow Star by David Collins
I told a friend I keep not finishing things and he said, “Yeah, the last 10% of anything is the hardest.” A light bulb went off. Once I realized that this is a problem everyone has I could see the last 10% more clearly. And all day I’ve been finishing things.
For a long time I’ve been wanting to have a live session where we all talk about autism and this post is my last 10%. Now we have a date and time: Wed, Nov. 13, 7-9 pm ET. And we have a link. Here it is:
https://us06web.zoom.us/j/82800295802?pwd=LfTfUHmWnqbbQdLJCbD9U8Wd7L571A.1
I think I probably get more done because of my anxiety about getting things done. There’s a whole genre of research about how anxiety correlates with high performance. For example, a new paper shows anxiety predicts math achievement in kindergarteners.
When we talk on Wednesday, we’ll talk about how this is not surprising because anxiety in little kids is linked to autism. Autistic kids really kill it in kindergarten — no neurotypical can touch those little high achievers. Because while neurotypical kids are learning about social skills, autistic kids are decoding math and language. It’s linear: the more time a kid spends on decoding, the less the kid spends on social skills.
The problem with autistic kids being the smartest kids in kindergarten – or whenever – is no direct effect between how well kids do in school and outcomes in adult life. This is not a surprise because teachers train kids to earn gold stars – it’s the only way teachers can keep control of the classroom ratio of one teacher to dozens of kids. But the gold stars don’t translate to anything in life except obsession with gold stars.
All the correlations are mediated by household income. That is, the more money your parents have the better your outcome will be after college. But there’s one exception: The more emotional support a kid has from a parent the better they do in college – regardless of income.
But parents have messed up view of what emotional support is, because parents want gold stars for parenting. So the support most parents give is to steer the kid to get gold stars. Parents mistake helping a kid get gold stars for helping a kid feel loved.
Does this remind you of your childhood? I find that the more I understand about autistic kids, the more I understand my experience growing up. So much of the autism experience is not autism per se, but the experience of growing up with autistic parents who have no idea they’re autistic.
Don’t even think of telling me not everyone in your family is autistic. Scientists are fed up with people thinking only *some* of their relatives are autistic. Now, when there is a call for a study of kids who do not have autism, the child cannot have anyone with autistic tendencies one, two or three generations removed. Because if there’s one there are tons.
But here’s another thing about the research: an autism diagnosis is irrelevant. It doesn’t help you get help, and you can already get help for the specific issues you want help with. But saying you have autism can give you a sense of belonging. That’s why I want you to join me on Wednesday at 7 pm Eastern. Here’s the link:
https://us06web.zoom.us/j/82800295802?pwd=LfTfUHmWnqbbQdLJCbD9U8Wd7L571A.1
It will be fun. For me. I think it’ll be fun for you, too. Because learning new things that surprise us is fun.