I was a guest on Sarah and Meghan’s podcast last week and the most important topic I covered was that I lost 35 pounds. Check out that picture of the new, svelte me at parent’s weekend. (The semi-pained look on my face is becase I was promising I’ll separate my son’s PayPal from my bank account even though I have no plan for how.)
Today I filled out a form for the World Trade Center Health Registry. I receive a bunch of surveys each year. I have a fantasy that the Registry will be like the Framingham Heart Study — nurses who diligently filled out surveys throughout their adult lives. From those women we got scientific proof that cigarettes kill, but we also learned things like we become the people we hang out with. For example the nurses smoked if their friends did. (Later studies showed that even the timing of our first sexual encounters reflect that of our friends.)
I like to think the World Trade Center survivors will be as diligent as the nurses. After all, most people who were there on 9/11 had good-paying jobs. And while good-paying job does not mean you are pleasant (in fact it might mean you’re not) a good-paying job does mean you are likely to be able to fill out a survey on a routine basis.
Anyway, today’s survey was about optimism: did we stay depressed after 9/11 or did we go back to our happiness set point? I used to write about happiness set point pretty much constantly because it was shocking to me; not even losing both legs changes our natural tendencies toward (or away) from happiness. We just adjust.
That’s actually how I lost the 35 pounds so quickly. In the last few years I gained weight while everyone else was losing it on Ozempic. And it became clear that Ozempic is a wonder drug for all sorts of human ailments. I have human ailments. So I thought Ozempic gets cheaper every day and when my kids go to school I’ll go on Ozempic.
But our weight is just like our happiness in that we have a set point that we naturally gravitate to. And as soon as my kids were gone my body found its set point.
I say this knowing that scientists do not accept that there’s a weight set point. But as a weight optimist I choose to believe my body will always go back to thin. This is like me setting the alarm for 5am because I don’t want to stay up late finishing something. Who knows if I’ll really wake up early, but in the moment I believe I will because I’m a time optimist.
Wait. Is that optimistic or irresponsible? The two are very close. The cynical people are the realists, so where does that leave the optimistic people? Delusional, probably.
On the recent podcast Sarah and Meghan read me listener’s questions and I said the question the reader should have asked. At times my dismissiveness horrified Sarah and Meghan, but I dismissed that, because I think it’s fundamentally optimistic of me to be able to look in that dumpster fire of a question a find a gem that inspires us all to think more deeply about ourselves.
People aren’t used to getting real feedback. When we ask friends or family for feedback, they definitely have scathing things to say, but they don’t bother becaue what is the point of making a person upset?
The other type of feedback we get is from therapists whose whole business model is repeat customers, so they just tell us what will keep us coming back. The therapy model has an intrinsic conflict of interest.
So then we’re left with people who are too autistic to preserve someone’s good feelings toward them. That’s my specialty.
Not that it works out perfectly. A few weeks ago a woman I coached threw a fit and she told me she was going to file a complaint with my boss. I ignored that. Because I don’t have a boss. But then she sent the complaint to my son. Becuase that’s who she paid via PayPal. She told him the people he hires are too negative.
I love talking with Sarah and Meghan even though they think I’m poorly behaved on their podcast. I actually always try to be good natured and a team player — because I’m an optimist, and I think eventually they’ll want me as a friend.