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If you’ve been in a committed relationship for a while, you might be considering moving to the next step, which is engagement and, ultimately, marriage. Every couple is different, which means that one person’s idea of a dream proposal story might sound like someone else’s worst idea.
This is kind of why we fall in love; everyone is unique, and there’s something to love in each person’s quirks and differences. But it does make planning something personal like a proposal, much more complicated. Here are some tips to help you get the proposal right.
Photo by Andre Jackson on Unsplash
1. Communicate With Each Other
The most important thing you need to know before proposing is the person you’re planning on proposing to. The proposal should be a dream for everyone involved. There’s nothing worse than seeing a proposal that is obviously geared toward one person, completely ignoring the wishes of the proposee. Maybe you’ll get a yes, but it will be despite the proposal, not because of it.
So, the first thing to work out is whether you’re at the same point in your relationship. Nobody wants to get the dreaded “no” because you’re in very different places, and nobody wants to be the one to say no to someone they love, but aren’t ready to marry. This can end relationships or create a humiliating experience for everyone.
It’s easy to get caught up in your feelings and the romance of a situation, but try to think about the other person more than yourself.
You don’t need to spill the beans to determine whether it’s the right time. Just broach the topic of where you are in your relationship. It’s a smart thing to do anyway, because if you do want to get married at some point, but the person you’re dating doesn’t, you need to set your expectations properly.
Communication and getting to know each other will also help you plan a proposal that they will enjoy. Some people love a very public surprise proposal, but some people absolutely hate the idea of it.
2. The Level of Surprise
On a similar note, you need to work out the correct level of surprise. This comes down to proper communication and getting to know the person, but because of the planning it involves, it deserves its own section.
At the lowest level of surprise, the proposal is something you plan together. If your partner doesn’t want to be surprised at all, this can be very romantic and work very well. As a married couple, you’ll be working together anyway, so it can help you get some practice in.
At the highest level of surprise, your partner has absolutely no idea. This has the highest level of risk, but it can be worth it. You need to know your partner very well to pull this off, and some people absolutely love it. It’s often a lot easier for women to surprise male partners with a proposal, mainly because men are still traditionally the ones to propose. Sometimes this ends up in a dual proposal, especially if he also has a ring.
Most couples are comfortable somewhere in the middle. You both might know that you want to get married from past conversations, but the actual proposal hasn’t happened yet. This can also be very romantic and leave a lot of room for a surprise.
3. Finding a Ring
You can’t have a proposal without a ring. If you’re both planning the proposal together, you can also buy a ring together. When doing this, there are 10 questions to ask when buying an engagement ring, including whether you can get a custom design and what metal would be best for everyday wear.
Otherwise, you can either try to work out what your partner’s ideal ring is so that you can buy it secretly. Sometimes they will tell you, sometimes you need to be a bit more sneaky with it. Think about the jewelry they typically wear anyway. Do they prefer gold or silver? Do they wear a lot of jewelry, or do they prefer more minimalist designs? Ask their best friends if you’re not sure.
Another option, which is great if you want to give your partner full control of the ring without missing the element of surprise, is to either propose without a ring or with a placeholder ring. Placeholder rings can be simple, beautiful, and give you both the experience of proposing with a ring, but you haven’t spent a lot of money on a ring that your fiancée doesn’t actually want to wear every day.
4. The Perfect Date
The perfect date refers to both when you propose and where. Some couples get engaged on landmark dates, such as an anniversary of when they first met or started dating. Others simply choose a date that they can control and that allows them to go somewhere beautiful. If you’re proposing publicly at an event, then your date is picked out for you.
Photo by Timo Stern on Unsplash
The perfect date also refers to what you’re doing. It can be hard to come up with an excuse for you both to be dressed up nicely while hiking at a nearby natural beauty spot, but there are ways around this.
You can propose on the date itself, whether you’re at a meal or doing something else. You can plan a day out together which involves beauty spots, but that ends in a nice meal, so you need to be dressed relatively smartly.
Remember to pick something they will love.
5. Use Friends and Family
Your friends and family can be your secret weapon, especially if you’re planning a surprise. They can give you inside information, help you sneak around, or make sure your partner is in the right place at the right time for the special moment.
Make sure to thank these friends and family appropriately and, after some private time, involve them in the celebrations. Also, involve their friends and family as well as your own, as these people are important to your partner.
6. Capturing the Moment
Finally, it’s important to be able to look back on a moment that means so much to you both. So, whether you hire a photographer or rope in a good friend with a good camera, try to get some footage of the proposal and the reaction.