By Aly Rice
I didn’t plan to reinvent my life from the ground up. I just wanted to go on a solo birthday trip to Mexico. Instead, I came back with a long-distance relationship that led to a shattered heart, a full-blown identity crisis, and eventually, the kind of betrayal that would implode everything in my life.
Add in the back-to-back losses of both my parents, my dog, my job, and public humiliation I couldn’t control thanks to the internet, and I found myself in a perfect storm of survival mode.
The long-term kind. Survival isn’t a lifestyle choice; it’s an emergency response.
If you’re stuck there, whether you’re grieving, burned out, or holding yourself together with caffeine, a glass or two of wine, and a forced smile, I wrote this for you.
These are the real-life tools that helped me start rebuilding when everything fell apart.
1. Feel It So You Can Heal It
I tried everything to avoid my feelings: scrolling, snacking, and numbing out with Netflix and dating apps. But here’s what no one tells you: what you don’t process will eventually process you.
I learned the hard way that avoidance doesn’t work. So this time I tried something different. I paused. I walked. I journaled, even when I didn’t know what to say. And slowly, I started to clear out some of the emotional paralysis I’d been stuck in. Not to fix myself, but to begin to actually feel again. I started with five minutes. One feeling. One single breath. It was a small step but a very powerful one.
2. Say No Without Apologizing
You’re allowed to protect your peace, even if it means disappointing people who don’t know or understand what you are carrying. It’s ok to say no to:
- Unsolicited advice
- Events that drain you
- Being the default fixer
- Last-minute asks & guilt trips
There’s nothing selfish about needing space. It’s self-care, self-respect, and simply honouring your limits, which is essential in survival mode.
3. It’s Okay Not to Be Okay
Some days you’ll move forward. Some days, you’ll cry on the bathroom floor. Both are valid. Healing isn’t a straight line. In my experience, it’s a wild, zig-zagging mess. And that’s ok.
You don’t have to bounce back quickly or in a certain way. You don’t have to be okay to be worthy of love, rest, or good things. Let yourself be in the in-between. For me, that looked like being really sad one minute and laughing at my dog the next. Going for a walk, then cancelling plans. It wasn’t graceful or predictable, but it was real. The in-between is not a setback. It’s part of the process.
4. Choose One Thing That Brings You Back to Life
Not five things. Just one. For me, it started with walking my dog. Then fresh sheets. Then journaling. Eventually, I signed up for a running event that I didn’t even want to run, simply because I needed something to move toward. Some days, it was a glass of wine or two. Not ideal, but I am human, and some days that’s what I needed to get me through.
I focused on choosing one thing each day that was big enough to matter but small enough to actually do. That small sense of accomplishment didn’t fix everything, but it was a gentle, steady healing that was just enough to remind me that I wasn’t stuck, even if the progress felt slow.
5. Ask for Help Before You Hit the Wall
You don’t need to do this alone. There’s no award for doing it without support. I know that sounds obvious, but most of us wait until we’re on the edge of collapse before finally whispering, “I can’t do this.” My best advice is to ask earlier. Even if you don’t know what you need, it’s ok to ask clumsily. Let people love you. Let the right support in.
Bonus: When You’re Ready for More Than Surviving
This article gives you the spark. But if you’re craving something deeper, like structure, clarity or tools that go beyond “just breathe” advice. I created something for you. The Survival to Thrival Guide is packed with the exact practices that helped me find my footing again. Inside you’ll find simple ways to reconnect with yourself, journal prompts that don’t feel like homework, and real talk about what it takes to heal, without rushing it. Download the Survival to Thrival guide. You don’t have to be fully healed to take the first step. You just need one honest moment. This could be it.
Aly Rice is a resilience coach, speaker, and podcast host who helps women rebuild after betrayal, burnout, and breakdowns. She’s the voice behind “Sex, Lies & Tacos” and “This Could Get Messy”, and she’s not afraid to drop a few F-bombs in the name of healing. Download her free guide at https://alyrice.kit.com/survival-thrival or follow her on Instagram @AlySpeaksUp.