by Steven Gaffney, CEO of the Steven Gaffney Company and author of “Unconditional Power:Thriving in Any Situation, No Matter How Frustrating, Complex, or Unpredictable“
Family businesses are special. They blend personal relationships with professional goals, creating a unique environment. But sometimes, unspoken rules can get in the way of success. These hidden barriers stifle new ideas and make teamwork difficult.
But breaking these unspoken rules will create a place where everyone feels free to speak up and share their thoughts.
Here are six unspoken rules to challenge for better communication in family businesses:
1. Unspoken rule: “Don’t rock the boat”.
Break it: Many family businesses avoid tough conversations to keep the peace. But real progress often comes from speaking up and challenging old ways. Encourage everyone to share their thoughts and ideas, even if they’re out of the ordinary. It can lead to new solutions and a more dynamic work environment. It’s about getting the unsaid said — using open dialogue to grow and improve. Leaders should model this behavior by being open to feedback and showing that differing opinions are valued.
2. Unspoken rule: “Keep personal matters out of business”.
Break it: In family businesses, personal and work lives often mix. Ignoring this can lead to misunderstandings. Talk about how personal issues affect work and vice versa. Being open about these things will help everyone understand each other better and build stronger relationships. It’s about finding a balance where personal and professional lives can work together. Leaders can facilitate this by respecting both personal and business needs, and ensuring personal matters are addressed without overshadowing business objectives.
3. Unspoken rule: “Assume everyone knows their role”.
Break it: Oftentimes people in family businesses assume everyone knows what they’re supposed to do. This causes confusion. Make sure everyone knows their roles and responsibilities. Check in regularly to make sure each member is clear and feels appreciated. This helps avoid working in silos and encourages teamwork in which everyone works towards the same goals. Leaders should regularly review and communicate these roles, adapting them as the business evolves to ensure clarity and alignment.
4. Unspoken rule: “Avoid conflict at all costs”.
Break it: Conflict is often seen as bad, but it actually can help a business grow. Teach family members how to have healthy debates and solve disagreements. This can lead to better decisions and a stronger team. By creating a place where people feel safe to speak up, you turn conflict into a tool for improvement. It’s about celebrating differences and using them to make the business better. Leaders can set the tone by encouraging respectful discussions and demonstrating how to handle disagreements constructively.
5. Unspoken rule: “Family comes first, always”.
Break it: While family loyalty is important, it shouldn’t stop the business from succeeding. Make decisions based on what’s best for the business, not just the family. This helps prevent favoritism and ensures the best ideas and talents are recognized. It’s about creating a fair environment where everyone is held to the same standards. Leaders should emphasize merit-based decisions and create opportunities for all team members to contribute and grow, regardless of family ties.
6. Unspoken rule: “Silence is safer”.
Break it: In many family businesses, people think it’s safer to stay quiet. This leads to missed opportunities and unresolved problems. Encourage everyone to speak up and share their ideas. Regularly check in with family members to make sure they feel heard and valued. By breaking the silence and getting the unsaid said, you empower everyone to contribute to the business’s success. Leaders should actively solicit feedback and create channels for open communication, ensuring that all voices are heard.
Recognize that unspoken rules hold your family business back. Make open, honest, respectful communication a priority and you will break down barriers that have put limits on productive collaboration and unbridled business advancement. Your family members and your business will flourish.
Steven Gaffney is CEO of the Steven Gaffney Company and a leading expert on creating Consistently High Achieving Teams (CHAT)®. With some 30 years of experience working with top leaders and executive teams from Fortune 500 companies, associations, and government agencies, he is an authority on issues from team achievement and thriving cultures to leading change and daily innovation. He is the author of “Unconditional Power: Thriving in Any Situation, No Matter How Frustrating, Complex, or Unpredictable“.